shit, i feel so old. this is officially the last -teen year i'll be turning, next year it's TWENTY!! argh, no more teen in any age numbers that ensue, unless my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and i eat off a cake with 113-odd candles on it, which is highly unlikely.. after all, i doubt they'd even make birthday cakes by then..
and NO, the fact that seventy half-rhymes with seventeen does not count.
..dammit.
anyhoosiers, as usual, my 6am alarm goes off this morning, and for some reason i get out of bed to it. huh. very strange. strange up to the point that even my mum was quite bewildered that i opened my room door before she did, and i guess that made the birthday hug that much harder..
so my stepdad wanted to chat to me. but first, my mum gives me a letter he sent, and Nigel wishes me a happy 19th (though there isn't anything truly happy to be happy about. i'm 19 dammit) and gives me his handwritten, self-designed card (a traditional token us three siblings always take to, perhaps because we're too karit to buy a couple of Memory Lanes a few times a year.. hmm, who knows), then i groggily sit down for a chat with him and to read the letters as he types, because, well, yeah, not everyone was born knowing what a keyboard was.
that grogginess was soon to evaporate in a literal splitsecond. dad wishes me a happy birthday too (again, i resent the happiness), and then my mum disappears and reappears with my stepdad's actual birthday card. shit man, the quality of the cards themselves are absolutely nothing like what they are here.. i thank my stepdad to be, and then my mum disappears yet again. our webcams were on, and he was there, yet he doesn't reply me, and instead has this strange mischievous smirk on his face that turned into an outright grin as my mum reappeared behind me with a small box wrapped in shiny gold paper.
am i keeping you in suspense..? good, the suspense killed me off too, might as well take the lot of you down with me..
you're in suspense, right?
if i ever had a happy moment worth screaming FUCK YEAH!! about, this would have been it. tearing open the wrapping paper (like i would have done this time ten-odd years ago) without tearing the paper itself too much (not like i would have done this time ten-odd years ago), i open the box, open the foreign plastic bag, and lo and behold, the white AIG within that oh-so-lovable white box was staring at me, the Manchester United crest two-ish (yes, ishisms are kinda hard to forget if you've ever faced the true test that is Mr. Canterford, Geography Edition) just two inches above. HOLY SHIT IT'S AN ORIGINAL MANCHESTER UNITED JERSEY ALL THE WAY FROM ENGLAND! FUCK YEAH!!
it was my turn to have a huge grin on my face as i thanked my stepdad from the bottom of my joy-filled heart. he replied me, but still that evil-looking grin of his was painted across his face, not wiping off anytime soon. at this point i realized my mother had disappeared yet again. wondering what else could possibly match the caliber of the best team in the world's jersey, she comes back with another gold-wrapped gift. not a box, but an A4-sized card of sorts.
again, opening it the careful way i do, it was a letter with a bit of cardboard in it. "oh wow", i said, "gee thanks, ill get back to caressing my jersey now" but my mum stopped me and asked me to take out what's really inside it, and i pull this out:
i could not believe what i was seeing and reading. SIR ALEX FERGIE's signature on that thing! after slapping myself hard and telling myself this is really happening, i thank my stepdad yet again, although i'm sure that's never enough.
this time, my mum disappeared to send my sister to school, so i just chatted with my stepdad until it was time for him to sleep. boy, i can't wait till we all join him..
anyway, here's the awesome part:
more awesome than what just happened, you say? haha, i know right?
like an excited little boy with his new toys, i bring my jersey and certificate to work to show their asses off to my colleagues. as expected, the fellow Red Devils fans were jealous, and the supporters of useless teams scoffed at how fucking brilliant my birthday presents were.
how sweet, even amongst the taunting happy birthday singing, my boss just gives me that disapproving look that he always greets me with..
as i complete this blog post, i am officially invisible and oblivious to everyone around the office. muahaha, give a shit, i do not.
anyway, if you're reading this message, this post has yet to be completed, because, well afternoon events have yet to surpass, so expect updates by the climax of my now very happy 19th birthday.
toodles.
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