Funny things to do on an elevator.

okay, so my blog's become very stale as of late; an inevitable knock-on effect of having bugger-all to do, so i've decided to go and do something completely different and provide an interesting list of various activities one can do when one is on an elevator, preferably with strangers. i've compiled different ones from the different joke sites that try to make such lists (most are identical), and i've removed the ones that are kinda lame, e.g. "enter with a shovel and attempt to 'dig for treasure'". some of these are stupid, some of these are hilarious, and the rest are hilarious because they're stupid. for the record, i sorta see myself doing some of them.

anyways, here's the list:

1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, then repeat.
3. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
   
4. Ask if you can push the button for other passengers, then push the wrong ones.
5. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cellphone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
6. Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
7. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
8. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
9. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
10. Shave.
11. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
12. Right after the doors close, run into them screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
    
13. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
14. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
15. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
16. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
17. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
18. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
19. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
20. Swat at flies that don't exist, especially ones that land on other passengers.
    
21. Tell people that you can see their aura.
22. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.
23. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
24. Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
25. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
26. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
27. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
28. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
29. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
30. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stays open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
31. Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.
32. Hold an auction.
33. Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.
34. Throw a rave.
35. Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not feng shui."
36. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".
37. When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"
38. Have a heated debate with yourself.
39. Draw a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out treasure maps to everyone as they enter.
40. Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.
41. Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.
42. Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.
43. Propose to the other passengers.
44. Challenge people to thumb wars.
    
45. Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger, "I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."
46. Express your passionate hatred for elevators.
    
47. Every time someone else talks, angrily shout, "Some people are trying to sleep here!"
48. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
49. Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."
50. When a new passenger boards, giggle then try to suppress it.
    
51. Ruffle noisily through some plastic bags in efforts to find something you think you've lost.
    
52. Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.
53. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
54. Preach God's Word.
55. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say "Oops!"
56. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
57. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" while continuously pushing the buttons.
58. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it's infected.
59. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
60. Meow occasionally.
61. Give everyone high-fives and congratulate them for successfully boarding the elevator.
    
62. Say "Ding!" everytime the elevator comes to a halt.
63. Lean against the button panel.
64. Bring a chair along.
65. Announce you are a recovering claustrophobe, and suddenly feel regression coming.
    
66. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
67. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
68. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
69. Ask passengers if they have a problem with you.
    
70. Before entering an elevator, start having second thoughts about using it, keeping your finger on the button.
71. Make eyes at passengers of the same gender as you. Look horrified if they eye you back.
72. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"
73. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
74. Make chalk drawings on the walls.
75. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper "Hide it... quick!" then whistle innocently.
76. If your mobile phone rings, don't answer it.
77. When the elevator comes to a halt, fall over.
78. Pick up the emergency phone and try to order pizza.
79. Hit every button, get out at each floor, say "Nope, this ain't the right one", get back on and ride to the next floor. Repeat.
80. Face one of the back corners, looking at the floor, hugging yourself, rocking back and forth and moaning softly.
    

so i watched Harry Potter yesterday, and i can tell you Transformers is still #1, but it was good nonetheless, though as one would always expect from book-to-movie renditions, some bits just aren't there.

as for the list, i've actually added some that i thought up while copying and pasting the funny ones, so if any of you have activities just as funny or funnier, post it on a third-party contribution.

¡Dieciseis años!

..or for those of you who can't read, that's "sixteen years!" in an obviously other language. but today isn't about any of you or your reading disabilities. nope.

i'd like to wish my beloved brother Nigel a happy 16th birthday. yup, today be his sweet 16, just without the typical big parties and blonde bimboes one usually associates such a teenage celebration with.

as i am writing this blog entry, you are sitting on the carpet floor behind me playing The Warriors on our PS2, and for those of you who don't know, it's a video game rendition of a movie made in the 80s about gangs, fighting, drugs, liquor, women, the lot. typical America, so to speak. ahh, my dearest moral brother.

even though you don't read this blog, who gives; consider this my birthday card to you today, only it's not actually a card, i'm not actually giving it to you, and ironically it's for everyone else to read until one day you happen upon my site to use any of the shortcuts in my links section =p.

happy birthday again, let's hope Harry Potter tonight's as good as people anticipate, though i'll probably be making such claims to you in person.

No ideas for a blog title.

so i had my driving test this morning, and let's just say that i'll be hearing from my instructor again soon. when i first went to get my provisional license exactly a month ago, the thing that scared me the most was the bukit-balancing; looking out the window to the many tiny kodok white-plus-green cars lined up to meet their holding-point doom, the sight was a little discouraging, especially when they rolled all the way back down. however, even how blindingly obvious it is in general, i still can't get 'round the idea that practice makes perfect. because it really does, muahaha.

also, i went to Gadong with Shaun yet again today, making it 7 trips in a row; a more solid record than the last week i posted about. stayed there for longer hours per day too, and i say this with very little pride. sadly, today is the last of such trips, as Shaun will be taking back his ball and chain with the picking up of his madre at the aeropuerto. just as well, anyway, it is getting kind of monotonous to be asking "so what do you guys wanna do now?"

before today, i had already seen Transformers twice. since it's Thursday, it's also movie-with-friends day, and guess what we watched today? i'll give you one chances. yep, you guessed it. well actually, i wouldn't know if you guessed it, now, would i? surprisingly, i still thoroughly enjoyed it like i watched it for the first time all over again, if that makes sense, only to anticipate the good bits with a suppressed chuckle or smile. today it was Rory, Mags, Manju, Celine, Matt, Yenshan, Jacob, Alexis and, well, me. what i found really funny was Mags while watching the movie; she would laugh at completely random moments, and of all the times i've watched it, i was sure such moments weren't meant to be funny. haha oh well, Mags will always be Mags. finally, like an experiment, i hence conclude that having friends to watch with actually amplifies the movie-watching experience. hehe, do i hear a 'no shit!!'?

can't wait for Shahbandar this Sunday. flab's gotta burn somehow.

More than meets the eye.

i don't remember the last time i stayed away from my house for more than 18 hours and still be on Brunei soil at the same time. even past events like certain church activities or my old job 2 years ago couldn't compare. such lengthy hours had hence taken its toll on me; i was unable to go to Shahbandar this morning 'cause i slept like a rock and a log at the same time. boo.

woke up early-ish on Friday morning to go to school for the last day of term (but definitely not for the last time). for the past 15 years, ever since kindy days, i've never missed the Last Day Of School day. it was tradition, like a separate event of its own; in my Primary school days, we would commemorate the last day of being in whatever Year (or Grade, as it was known back then) we were in by completely organizing and cleaning out our classroom, both for the showing of gratitude and heartfelt farewell to our teacher and for the warmhearted welcoming of the next class to occupy it. the story was more different in Secondary, of course, i.e. class parties and moping about. so even though i apparently have no reason left to be on the school premises (i beg to differ), why break the tradition (and the rather impressive streak) now?

apart from the final assembly, nothing much happened in the normal school day leading up to it. couldn't have expected much from it in the first place; it was just me, Shaun, and for some reason Harold bumming about. grabbed the CD full of Prom photos the 'real' photographer took from the office, killing two birds with one stone (i.e. convenience of obtaining the CD whilst in school and one method of curing boredom). sadly, i wasn't in most if not all the big group photos, but so what, i had better things to do. anyhoo, had some mi goreng at the kedai for the last time, then drove back to school for the final assembly. as typically boring as assemblies in general were, i'll miss them anyway, and furthermore, Manju and her group obviously louded things up a bit.

sped off straight to Gadong in Shaun's Vios, taking full advantage of his mother's one-week outstationedness, i.e. she's the bars and prison guards to his cell, hence you'd expect the regressions of freedom to be of quite the magnitude. and, hell, it was. just the usual with a little spice; pool, the Arcade, then pool some more, and after much hassle and wasted calls, decided to watch Transformers at the 9:45pm show.

without a doubt, Transformers is the best movie of 2007. screw all the previous movies, screw Die Hard, screw Harry Potboy, and yeah, screw even Bourne Ultimatum (sorry Mags). 2.5 hours of pure action, loud explosions, excellent graphics, appropriate comedy and sensible romance to boot. yeahp, really brings out the kids-at-heart in anyone and everyone. plus i've never seen a standing ovation in a movie theatre before. oh wait, scratch that, Transformers is the best movie i've ever seen.

while we're on the subject of useful things to do with your eyes, a worthy sight would be the Mall's interior at midnight. barren, dark-ish, still, echoey and if it weren't for the people of the night wanting to catch the midnight shows, it would be oh-so-quiet. not that i'm encouraging anyone to stay out at Gadong until past midnight or anything, but if you just happened to be there at 12 in the morning for some reason, try screaming into the Mall from the 3rd floor. i didn't, so let me know how it goes.

come Saturday, we had so much fun staying out all day the previous day, we decided to do it again, only without the movie and with my going to church in the middle. this time we added a new activity to our sarcastically awesome list of fun: playing bummy games at any one of the stupidly many internet cafés spread across Bandar's only real slum of fun, like a plague. oh wait, scratch that, spread across Brunei's only real slum of fun.

and that was that. like i said, no Shahbandar today simply because my bed convinced me to, well, stay in bed.

wahey, the blog's finished.